The family tree of my mental disorders
Diagnoses are often discussed as if they were separate medical records, closed boxes to be tucked away in a drawer. In my head, however, they are all branches of the same tree. They feed off each other, intertwine, and steal each other's energy.
This is what my "internal family" looks like:
The Trunk (The Roots): ADHD
Who it is: The engine of everything. It's a brain that runs at 3,000 rpm but without brakes. It's the hyperfocus that saps my energy in three days, leaving me vulnerable to everything else.
The Main Branch: Major Severe Anxious Depression
Who it is: The reaction of a brain tired of racing. When ADHD runs out of fuel, it comes in. It turns off the lights, spreads a thick fog over every thought, and whispers to me that it's better not to even try.
The Poisonous Lymph: Chronic Anxiety
Who it is: The faulty alarm system. It always goes off, even when the sun is out. It turns the fear of others and of judgment into a wall that prevents me from even opening an email.
The Falling Leaves: Burnout
Who is it: The collapse of tension. It's not tiredness: it's the fuse that blows to prevent the fire. It's the total immobility of body and mind.
The Hanging Branch: Possible Bipolarity
Who is it: The invisible oscillation. The doubt of not being just "tired" or "active," but of moving on larger, deeper waves that I can't yet fully control.
This tree casts shade, sometimes too much. But it's mine, and I'm learning to map every leaf so I don't get crushed by it.